I don’t know if I can still call you that. Or if I ever had the right to call you that. They say that if you truly love someone, you can never really unlove them. And that no matter how many times you try, you can never go back in time and change it all. No matter how hard you push it, you can never close the door entirely.
It’s been almost 2 months since we last talked. Now, I scroll through our old conversations, and I still laugh at your stupid jokes. I laugh and then I try not to cry.
These days I keep re-reading the texts we sent to each other, the words we wrote for each other, looking for warning signs of the disaster. I wonder if all those times you said that you loved me and that you’ll always be around, what you actually meant was that this is not love. This is not love.
And somewhere in the middle of reading our old conversations, I realize that I’m the only one looking at this screen.
Love, you aren’t here anymore.
But I still am.